Tucker Max is going to hell… and so am I June 16, 2007

And we now return to our regularly scheduled program. When we last left our heroine she was dealing with some serious BS. Like all episodic dilemmas in this, your most favorite blog, it’s all smiles and sunshine in the end.

I went to HH on Friday. Saturday afternoon I woke up in my room, still fully clothed, with my giant metal hair-thingy firmly indented into my skull (from sleeping on it all night). I guess it’s better than waking up without your clothes and a metal implement wedged somewhere else. Although, I do believe I’ve heard that story from someone before and they didn’t sound as traumatized as I might have imagined. Hmmm…  So, I later had a conversation with one of my good friends about that night. It went something like this:

Me: Lord, I don’t know why I feel so asstastic this morning. I only had four! (This was over a period of about 6 hours)

Friend: Yeah, but then you had that shot with me.

Me: (smacking my head in realization) Holy shit – the shots! That’s what did it.

So, yes. I did in fact have a valid reason for being extremely hungover. Multiple shots of tequilla will tend to do that. I know it was a good night because I didn’t puke - not in a red plastic solo cup or anywhere else for that matter. And… though I’d pretty much given up on meeting guys at bars, I ended up giving out my number to one guy. My thought was, “It doesn’t matter – he won’t call anyway.” But surprise, surprise – he did, and I just may be meeting up with him later on this week. Good times, indeed.

Once I finally dragged my ass out of bed on Saturday afternoon it was a mad dash to get ready for my lil shindig I was hosting that night. Normally, it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but the previous evening I had arrived home from work to a plundered apartment. The roomie, apparently in an attempt to win the award for All Supreme Bitch, decided to raid the apartment. Even though she’s not moving out until May, she took all of her furniture out of the place without telling me she was going to. Granted, it’s her ugly-ass shit and she can do what she wants with it, but it would be nice to have a friggin’ couch for people to sit on at my party. No worries, though. Liz is not only a superhero, as I’m sure you’ve realized by now (because, really, could a normal person put up with all this crap without stabbing someone?), she is also able to make the best of a bad situation. So, yes. Got a few pieces of furniture and was finally able to decorate the apartment and make it my own. No more hideous candleabras. It finally feels like I live there and I love it. My only fear is that I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning and the shower curtain will be missing. Now, that would be bitchy.   

Anyway, on to the party. It was a wine thing. Someone brought beer. Ha. It was definitely fun times. As the evening wore on, one of the things that came up in conversation was Mr. Tucker Max, author of “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.” Now, many of you may not have heard of this dude. Those of you who have either love him or hate him. I think he’s absolutely hilarious – the biggest douchbag on the planet, but a funny one. This guy is also a genius. He had a blog, and it got turned into a book. In this way, he’s my hero. Not because of his douchbaggery, but because he was able to get people to pay money for what would otherwise be free. So, if Tucker Max is going to hell, I probably am too. I have a shitload of stories that may not be quite on-par with TM, but they certainly do make a valient effort.

All in all, it was a lovely evening and one that I’ll probably be repeating fairly shortly. Til then, keep it real.

Mondays may not be the best way to spend 1/7 of your life, but this one’s not too bad at all.

Cake fairies June 16, 2007

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Material. I’d like to write a book, but I lack material. ”But, Liz, ” you argue. “You’re hilarious. All your stories are full of depth and wit. I read your blog religiously because it’s the highlight of my week.” Yes, yes. I know. But it’s a lot more difficult to come up with a long, cohesive storyline than these short blurbs on the day-to-day hilarity. Nonetheless, if I were going to write a book, I think it would most definitely have to be an autobiography or a memior of sorts. Some of this shit is just too good not to make known. Like that one time a few weeks ago when I was propositioned for a four-some. Or the more recent versions of my “dating at its finest” (read version 1.0 from 9/1/06)  series which I’m currently working on. Even some of  the shenanigans at the office are worthy of writing about. Only in government would you start off a meeting by discussing the order of discussion. (Pass out the agenda and get on with it, please.) So, while I may lack the creativity to come up with something completely ficticious to entertain the masses, I don’t really need to because – as you may have noticed -  my life really is this awesome. A recent case in point: Every first Friday of the month I and about a hundred of my closest pals (okay… maybe only 20-30 are close) get together for a monthly happy hour in the city which lasts well into the evening. It’s always a good time and last night was no exception. Though it lacks the energy of the kickball flipcup mania and the molestering that accompanies, there’s no lack of good drinks and good times. Usually after the HH, a few of the crew head out to go dancing at a nearby club/bar. They play awesome 80’s music mixed in with some of the more recent club tunes. It’s jammin’. Last night we got there a little early, so I ended up chatting around the bar and having various beverages bought for me. Buzzing, I noticed a perfectly good cake left sitting on the railing behind my companion. My eyes lit up and I mouthed, “Cake!” It was like the little cake fairies had noticed that I hadn’t eaten much that day, realized my imbibing was getting the best of me, and floated down a big-ass confetti cake with white frosting just for me. Thank-you cake fairies. So, I go for the cake, right? And the people I’m chatting with are like, “What’re you doing?”  Well, I thought it was pretty obvious what I was doing, especially since by the time they asked the question, I already had a little bit of frosting on the side of my mouth from scooping some of the deliciousness. Someone referred to it as heroine cake because it was so damn good.  Well… after I had a few bites I took a break from my cake thievery just in time. Some dude (I guess it was his birthday?) walked by, saw his half-eaten cake, and declared, “Someone’s been eating my cake.” No shit, Goldilocks. He moved it across the bar to a table, and later that night, after a bit of dancing and some more imbibing, I went on a reconaissance mission and reclaimed the heroine cake. I pilfered it some more at the bar and offered some to my pals. There’s a lot to be said about a girl at a bar with a cake. I was even more popular than usual and it  was awesome. The evening ended with a frantic search for my coat (because someone had moved it all the way across the bar)  a free ride back to the Metro with a cool guy (though I doubt he’ll call), and a couple of great stories for my book. Peace out, my party people.

Partay in the hizzy June 16, 2007

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Hosted my first par-tay at my place. It was a blast. Not in the romper-room, toga and tequilla way you might expect from someone such as myself, but a much more laid back and chill get-together. It was great to have a bunch of friends just come over and hang out. It was also nice to have validation from them that, yes, my roommate is indeed, quite unpleasant. Quote of the night, uttered by Yusef, when answering his phone: “Yusef’s house of pain. How can I hurt you today?” Pic of the night: A tie between Emily Rose molesting the pinata and Kevin molesting himself (j/k) Heroes of the night: Everyone who braved the Virginian roadways and made their way to my place, and most especially John and Yusef for staying late and helping me clean to avoid the wrath of the roomie. I definitely overbought and overcooked, but luckily I was too busy running around to overeat. Great food though – great leftovers especially. I have about 6 different desserts leftover (. As someone once remarked, “Does diabetes run in your family? Because it will now.” If anybody cares to come over and partake of the deliciousness of my culinary skills, you’re more than welcome. I do believe I’ll be even more popular at work now, since I’ll be feeding the office for the next week with all the cakes and stuff. Anyway… lots of other eventful happenings of this past weekend, but none that I’ll be writing about on here. Peace out, my people.

Pasties, not just fro strippers anymore June 16, 2007

Monday, December 18, 2006

How dumb is this? I’m taking a break from ‘helping’ my brother with his paper to blog about it. Sure, I could be doing other things with my time than writing a high-school paper, but I’m not b/c a) I’m a good sister, b) my degree is in both biology and english, so I can definitely write a decent science paper, c) it’s actually an interesting topic and I feel the need to flex my mental abilities on something other than Sudoku, d) It’s almost xmas and I’m feeling generous, and e) he said he’d pay me (though I don’t really expect it). So yeah. Fun times. And please don’t lecture me on the moral implications of this. We all have had certain instances of ethical ineptitude and this is a drop in the bucket compared to some things that some of my comrades have done for friends/family. I’m just glad he finally asked me to help out with something, since I feel like I don’t really get a chance to do much for him. I wish I could do more. In other news… this weekend was great! Long, but great. Went to the birthday barcrawl on Friday. A few folks who I was hoping to come along decided not to, but there were still a ton of people. The pics from that night are hilarious. If you want them, msg me with your email addy and I’ll give you the snapfish album. One of the best parts of the night – some random guy (not in MeetIn) came up to me just to tell me that I looked fabulous. And, no – he wasn’t hitting on me. He made a point to mention that he had a gf – he just wanted to tell me. How great is that? I think the attention-getter was my Santa hat. Instead of a white rim of fluff and ball, it’s black. And it looks damn good on me. Not only did that random dude take notice, but I noted that people in the group have now started to differentiate me from the other two Liz’s – instead of Liz #3, I’m now known as either well-dressed Liz or good-looking Liz. Not that the other two aren’t, but I like the differentiation nonetheless. Saturday, the only notable mention goes to my coworker’s festive holiday party. No drinking for me (I don’t drink 2 nights in a row), but it was still a lot of fun. Sunday I hosted my thing at Magianno’s. Memorable quote from the convo (said by Megan, btw – not me): ” Yeah, whenever I’m at home on a Saturday night and I’m like ‘damn, I’ve run out of pasties,’ I know who to call.” If you don’t get it then you obviously haven’t looked at Kevin’s new myspace pic yet. I strongly urge you to check it out. I wasn’t sure whether to be horrified or strangely turned on. Ha. Well… back to the dirge of the day. Four left to go until break. Peace out

The birthday weekend… of death June 16, 2007

Monday, December 11, 2006

Ha – not really. I just put that title in there to make you want to read it. Surprise, surprise. I survived my birthday weekend ski trip… and I have only a few bruises and a ton of great memories (and pics) to show for it. There was more skiing than falling, more powder on the slopes than up Kate Moss’s nose, and definitely more good times on this annual reminder that I’m one year closer to old than there has been in a long, long while. I’m not going to give you a minute-by-minute account of the festivities, at the risk of making it seem less awesome than it actually was. Because, really - who wants to hear about one of my friend’s ridiculously foul ass emanations or the rousing game of three-letter word Scrabble? I will, however, give you a play-by-play of a few highlights of the weekend: 1) I learned how to ski. Despite falling on my ass quite a few times, somehow getting snow up my back despite the layers of clothes and ski pants/jacket, plowing into some people at the bottom of the slope (why do they make that bottom slope the steepest part if you’re supposed to be slowing down?), and by the end of the day feeling like someone had beat my body with a stick bigger than the one stuck up the roomie’s ass, I had an amazing time. Seriously. It was absolutely exhilarating. Better than rollerblading, even, because falling on snow hurts a lot less than the gravel. I think for a first timer, I did pretty well. Who’s up for seconds? 2) I thoroughly enjoyed the company. My three favorite people from DC were there to share in the fun and we definitely made the most of it. Honestly, there’s nothing like modeling swimsuits when you’re drunk, hot-tubbing outside in the winter, or roadtripping with no worries to make for a fabulous weekend. It wouldn’t have been the same without any of them and I only hope that everyone had as wonderful a time as I did. 3) Not leaving until the late afternoon. Since when am I one to throw in the towel early? No way. Check-out may have been at 11, but we didn’t leave until after 3. Though the pool was a little too public (is that even possible?) for afternoon escapades, it was still a lot of fun  The weather outside was too beautiful to pass up a chance for a few photos, and the drive back afforded me the opportunity to jam out to my tunes without the usual accompanying embarrassment (I am definitely not the next American Idol). A great weekend… And I couldn’t end this without giving a shoutout to the people who made it all possible – you guys are great! Kevin – Thanks for pulling it together and making the dream a reality. It wouldn’t have been able to happen without you, and you’ve totally repaid me for the RedSkins puke-fest. I owe you one. Em  – You are always so much fun to be around! I love having someone around who I can be totally uninhibited with and joke and laugh about everything. I’m sooo glad you were able to come. We may not be the best at the winter sports, but we can look good trying. Scott – Have I told you how wonderful you are? Yeah…you are. You definitely made my birthday weekend one of the best, in more ways than one. And, I love the fact that you didn’t criticize my driving, skiing, or singing skills (because I know they all leave a lot to be desired). I’d like to say a few other things, but I’ll save that for a more appropriate venue. Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you to everybody for making it such a great time!

Archive oblivion June 16, 2007

Thursday, October 19, 2006

My boss is out and, being the awesome person that I am, I’ve finished all the shiznit of the week. So, I’ve been perusing the archives of my ‘other’ blog and decided that this one was too good to let it disappear into oblivion. It’s from the good ol’ days at UofI. Cheers! 2002-04-25 – 10:18 a.m. Welcome! You’re on the gameshow network. I’m the announcer and host, Ricky Dick. Up next is the exciting new program, “Vacation Paradise!” where contestants can win fun-filled trips to places such as England, Hawaii, and even the exotic, Chambana. Let’s take a peek at our show. The first contestant on today’s show is Liz! Liz hails from the preppy cesspool of Rochester and enjoys mini-golf, eating leftovers, and flashing strangers when she’s drunk. Alright, Liz! Let’s get started. The rules for today’s game for Liz are as follows: 1) You can’t win, so don’t even try. 2) If you do try, you’ll only be even more disappointed in the end – but don’t worry, the audience will get a kick out of it. 3) Always put on a happy face or else you’ll disqualify yourself and lose all chances of even a consolation gift. Alrighty! Let’s get this show on the road! Liz, we’re going to ask you a series of questions. Your job is to answer them and then we’ll tell you if you answered correctly. Rick: So, Liz, tell us the equilibrium value for hydroflouric acid. Liz: Ummm…that would be Ka=7.2*10^-4, Dick. Dick: Oh, I’m sorry, Liz! Your answer is correct, but we require that you give us at least 3 significant figures. Too bad! On to the next question. What is the meaning of life? Liz: To have fun and live in the moment, of course. At least, that’s what I would hope it would be. Dicky: Gosh, wrong again! The meaning of life is to trudge along and work, work, work. Otherwise, you’ll never amount to anything in life. But wait, after your last chem test, you won’t be doing much of anything productive now anyway will you? Liz: I guess not Ricky: Yes, Yes, that is the correct answer! She got one ladies and gents! (applause) Liz: I didn’t know that was one of my questions… Ricky Dicky: Well, it was Liz – and for answering correctly, we’re going to send you on a ‘Vacation Paradise!” Liz: Oh, really! Oh my God! Where do I get to go!? Dick: Well, Liz – where would you like to go? Liz: Ummm…I’d be happy with just about anything. Spain would be nice. But I don’t have to go to a foreign country. Hawaii would do nicely. How about Florida? Dick: I’m sorry. Liz! Were you actually trying to sound excited or did you think we were going to give you a good vacation? Don’t answer that. Anyway, we’re sending you on a 1 night, 1.5 day trip to St. Louis! You’ll get to carpool, share a bed with 3 other people, and – best of all – skip out on your very last class of the year! Liz: Hey, wait a minute – I actually like that class. Rick Dicky: Take it or leave it? Liz: I’ll take it…I guess. Ricky: Wonderful! Let’s continue on with our next contestant, Caty. Caty is from the exotic college-town of Chambana. Caty, what’s it like to be a townie? Caty: Well, Dickmeister – I think it’s really great! Rick: Yes! That is the answer we were looking for! You’ve won the grand prize – it’s an all expenses paid trip to France with your father! (applause) Caty: Woooooohoooo!!!! Dick: And for the rest of the audience, we have a consolation gift. You all get the wonderful opportunity to finish your papers, cram for finals, and – as always – drink till ya can’t drink no more! Audience: oh…woo (murmers) hoo.

Standards? What are those? June 16, 2007

Sunday, October 15, 2006

After the week I’d had, my sole goal for the weekend was to get shitty. Goal accomplished. I should get a gold star. A few things I learned from the past few day’s excursions: 1) I can drink to excess without puking into a cup. Who knew? And, no… no puking elsewhere was done by me at any point this weekend at all. I think I deserve a high five for that one, ladies and gents. 2) When you park overnight somewhere, be sure to have a backup plan for when your car doesn’t start in the morning. You can’t always expect the guy who drives the car parked right next to yours to show up at exactly the right time to help you out. Karma? Yes, I do believe so. You also can’t expect to have a friend who knows all about cars to help you change the battery. Although, given my luck, I can and do expect it. I’m hoping it doesn’t run out… 3) New Jersey has once again come up with something totally asinine. A new word originated there” “borny.” It apparently means bored and horny all at the same time. That pretty much qualifies for all of my weekends, depending on how much I’ve had to drink. Luckily (or not so luckily, depending on your perspective) my midwest standards have kept me from doing anything regrettable. 4) My roomie doesn’t apparently have any such said standards. I happened to catch her getting out of a car this morning that belonged to a much older, unattractive gentlemen. She looked like a hooker -a  very tired hooker.  Forget Jersey. Maybe I should come up with my own new word: dweezer. It means old creepy geezer and describes the kind of guy who probably wishes he hadn’t paid so much for my cheap ho-bag roomie. (Seriously… this is all speculation. My roomie could be a very overpriced ho-bag for all I know.) 5) Wine is good. I like it. And, no, I’m not just talking about Boone’s Farm. 6) Dinner parties are good. Especially when there is wine. The presence of a few good-looking guys doesn’t hurt either. Plenty of each this weekend. 7) I like football. I knew this already, but after attending my first live NFL game, I gained a new appreciation. Only sucked though b/c someone had to go and puke through the second half. That someone was not me. Ah well.. I heard they lost, so I guess I didn’t miss much. If you go to public sporting events, it’s best to forego the hard liquor prior to the game. Stick with the $7 beer if you have to drink. The price will deter excess and save you from an afternoon of dry heaving. Helping friends move may not be all peaches and cherries, but it’s cool to be able to do something worthwhile and lend a hand. It’s also cool to get a bunch of free old clothes that would otherwise get thrown out in the move. That’s it. I could go on, but the details are just flair and I’ve got other things to do with the one evening I’ve had this week to spend at home. Keepin’ it real in DC and beyond!

Labor Day weekend – not as craptastic as usual June 16, 2007

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Oh, yeah… I was hoping for more rain today. Fabulous. The gale-force winds from the tropical storm, Elcrappo, broke my umbrella on Friday. Sure, it was a cheap umbrella to begin with, but c’mon. I would have been better off using one of those little cocktail umbrellas that you get when you order a daquiri. At least then I would have had the alcohol buzz to distract from the cold, drenching rain. But enough of the bitching. I don’t like it when other people only use their blogs to complain about stuff, and I try to avoid being a hypocrite as much as possible – though it doesn’t always work. I had a fantastic weekend despite it getting off to a slow start. Friday evening I felt like a loser with nothing to do. I fell asleep at 9, but one of my pals drunk dialed me at 2 in the morning and woke my ass up. Love it when that happens. Seriously – that’s what friends are for. Because, if you’re at home alone on a Friday night, you need to get your ass up and do something. And that’s exactly what I did… Good times, to say the least. Saturday and Sunday were pretty chill during the daytime hours. Worked out like I was getting paid to do it. The evenings were a different story though. Given the events from a few weeks ago at the mid-season kickball party, I decided to implement a few new rules when out drinkin’ with the pals. Here’s what I ask myself before* I go out: *Note – it’s important to ask these prior to imbibing, b/c otherwise it’s too easy to make excuses. 1) Do you have your phone? Turn it off. Now. Or give it to a friend for safe-keeping. Drunk dialing, though fun at the time, does not lead to anything good. 2) Have you eaten in the past 12 hours? No, lettuce does not count. Eat. Otherwise you’ll be toast 2 drinks into the night. 3)Do you have your ID? People in VA and DC don’t play around when it comes to carding. You could look like Ethel Merman and not get in. 4) What time does the Metro stop? You better find out so you don’t get stranded and stabbed. Hasn’t happened…yet, but you wouldn’t want to take the chance. 5) Did you drink last night? If so, take a break. You don’t want to be a lush, and drinking two nights in a row makes it too easy to go down that road. Remember Evan? Yeah… you don’t wanna be like that. Stuck to the checklist and everything was awesome. Went out to Clarendon both Saturday and Sunday nights with pals. DD on Sunday, so obviously I was not drinking. I overheard the end of what I’m sure must’ve been a great story at Whitlow’s on Sunday. That place is like a frat house without the free beer after 9. There were a couple of jocks sitting at the table next to us. I caught the end of the convo. One of them said, “…and then I found her the next morning passed out on the couch with her underwear hanging from the ceiling fan.” His friend replied, “Dude, I really need to meet your mom someday.” Classic. Monday was spent in good company. Went to Old Town for the first time. I’m definitely taking my mother there when she comes to visit. They have a lot of artsy farty stuff that I think she’d like. She’s a tough lady to impress, and she has totally different taste than I do – so I think while she peruses the old lady stores I can go visit the more eclectic offerings. Either way, it’s not for another month, so I’m not going to stress about it. I got home on Monday evening and my roomie still wasn’t back – not there this morning either. I’m guessing someone had a lil too much fun in Atlantic City… I probably would too though. That’s it for now, folks.

Chuck Norris and Little Orphan Annie – Wait, where was I going with this? June 16, 2007

Sunday, September 10, 2006  

Well, kiddies… you’re in for a shock. Liz is ready for a break. That’s right. It’s been one hell of a week and today I really don’t forsee myself leaving my apartment again (since I’ve been to the gym and back already) until at least tomorrow. You know, I love the fact that there’s always something to do around here, but going nonstop 24/7 is starting to wear me down a lil. Allow me to elaborate…

At work the kid gloves came off this week. They’ve started to pile it on and I’ve taken it in stride. No big deal. It’s nice to have something to do besides myspace all day. Probably a good thing since I’ve been freaking out and scrambling to minimize the window everytime my boss stops by my cube. I should strategically place some mirrors around my desk so that I’ll be able to see when someone’s coming. That, and maybe figure out a way to stuff myself into the huge file locker right by my desk so that by the time they get there, I’ll have disappeared. Just a thought…

After work pretty much every day this week I’ve been hittin’ up the gym. It’s been good to get back in the habit, but it sucks to not get home til after 7 every night. It definitely makes me feel better about myself, so it’s worth it. It’s also nice that there’s hardly ever anyone there. As much as I like to show off my sweaty cleavage, I’d rather not have a lot of ugly old men ogling me when I’m just trying to get my fat ass to be not so fat. Oh… and btw – 10 min. mile and under, depending on my ambition that day. I know it doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment, but I’m proud of myself considering how much I hate running. So yeah… by the time my mom comes to visit, maybe I’ll have dropped enough to convince her to take me shopping for some new(er) clothes.

The weekend, as always, was awesome. Thursday after kickball I was in desperate need for a drink. Kelly’s, as always, was a good time. I got hit on, which is always a boost to the ego. I also made a new friend (not the same person), which is definitely something I need more of around here. Even better, I didn’t have to pay for any drinks. This is why I love my life. Made it home in decent time, despite my lack of being able to find a ride and being too cheap to grab a taxi. One of my kickball buddies was kind enough to ride part-way with me on my way home. Friday at work was horrendous, but at least I got a lot accomplished. I was wiped out by the time I got home after the gym. Chilled and went to the movies – ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ is a great one btw – made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes. Saturday I went biking and shopping. Bought my new camera. It’s pretty much awesome… kinda like me. Haven’t played around with it too much yet, but I will soon. Went to this place in Dupont Circle called Buffalo Billiards on Saturday night. That place was pretty cool. Laid back enough to not be fighting your way to the bar, but still a decent crowd. I played tabletop shuffleboard. I rock. We won, mostly because of my awesomeness. I think I get more skilled the more I drink. Either that or everybody else just gets much worse and I hold down the fort. It was a good time.

And in the tradition of every weekend that I go out on the town, I have a quote to share. A lil background info, first… We were at the bar, waiting to get served, and across the bar there’s this chick making out with what appears to be a badly dressed, rotund, and all around odd-looking man. The chick pulls away and, lo and behold, it’s another chick – a very dykish chick, but still… Anyway, so one of my friends turns to me and says, “Do you think it makes her less of a real lesbian since that chick looks like a dude?” My other friend turns and replies, ” That chick? She looks like more of a man than I do. She makes Chuck Norris look like Little Orphan Annie.” I reply, ” You know, Little Orphan Annie had a hard-knock life because of Chuck Norris.”  I’m not quite sure where the line of reasoning was going with that one, but I blame the alcohol. It was hilarious at the time though. Hilarious.

And that concludes this week’s chronicles in the life of Liz. A few memorable moments to recap:

1) Liz can cook – who knew? Chicken Tetrazzini is one of my many masterpieces

2) Liz’s roomie kinda sucks… Life can’t all be sparkles and sunshine.

3) Liz hand hurts from falling down a hill while biking. Did someone say ‘dumbass’? At least I’m not a guy – I’m sure it would make certain activities less enjoyable.

4) Liz’s pal, Arthur, is coming all the way from Ohio to visit Thurs-Sun. Good times will be had. Expect pictures. Lots of hilarious pictures.

Peace out, my peeps